Randman's World

Most of my friends know that I've suffered from Rheumatoid Arthritis for several years. My hands swell, are painful, and I have trouble gripping objects like screwdrivers. I've been to 3 different rheumatologists for treatment.

Last week, I went to a new doctor (because my last one was a major jerkpod). After a full exam, blood work and xrays, he tells me, "I'm not sure you have Rheumatoid Arthritis!"

He explains that I don't have swelling in the joints, but rather, swelling around the joints, and my grip strength is normal, except that I can't maintain it. His thought . . . Carpal Tunnel.

So, I go yesterday to a neurologist for an EMG/ENG electromyography/electroneurography). If you ever have a chance to have one of these, PASS!.

The first part has a nurse shocking the nerves in your hands with electricity, and measuring how well they conduct the current, and how much your muscles jump. I've been hit with 120, working around some electronics, and it was exactly like household voltage. The best part was the arm nerves, where she had to dig the cattleprod into my armpit, because the nerve is deep under the muscle. She kept telling me to relax, and I told her, "then get that damn bar-b-que fork out of my armpit". ZAP!

Then, the doctor comes in, and breaks out the needles. He pokes a needle into the muscle near the nerve, and measures something. I have no idea what, but it was something. A couple of them I didn't feel at all. Then, he did another that hit right on the nerve. I felt that one.

Then, he said, "Ok, this is the last one, and it's a bit tender". He then jammed the needle into the palm side of my hand, in the meaty part below the thumb. I've never done this before for any medical proceedure, but I let out a yelp, and barely censored the words coming out of my mouth, ending up screaming "Mother Puss Bucket". The doctor said they save that one for last, because if they did it early on, you'd never let them stick you again. And he's right.

Conclusion: I have severe Carpal Tunnel in my right hand, and mild in my left. My right definitely needs surgery, but maybe not my left. Good news is the surgery should reverse the damage, and alleviate the symptoms.

Go figure, I've taken arthritis drugs for 8 years, and they've never worked. Turns out, there's a reason. Doctors are jerkpods!

Everyone has seen the Successories pictures. And, if you're lucky, you've seen the Depressories parody motivation pictures. And now, Depressories has a Motivator Generator, where you can add a picture and caption to create your own inspirational poster. Here are a few that I came up with.

First, some with the family.

If only it were true!

Tonight is my final regular performance with Monkeys with Handgrenades. It's been a fantastic run for the past 3 years, but I've decided that I just don't have the time to devote to the show. It takes a lot of time writing, rehersing and then putting the show up. It's caused me to drop out of a lot of other things that I enjoyed doing.

So, tonight is it. And, it's a good show to go out on, with some very funny sketchs. I've had a blast writing with everyone, I've loved the team mentality, where anyone can offer suggestions to improve a sketch, and I've loved the audiences.

But now, I can get back to doing some improv shows (both Comedycity and others, if they'll have me), and can take some time to do other events at church!

Later, Monkeys! It's been great!

Ok, maybe I'm not the most unbiased person when it comes to the topic, having been adopted, and having adopted my beautiful son. But, can everyone just get off of Madonna's back?

Look, I'm no fan of Madonna. I've always found her to be an egocentric, no talent publicity whore, who would never have found her fame if she hadn't exploited her sexuality at every turn.

But, I couldn't be happier for her adoption of little David Banda. Not for her, but for David.

Having been to an orphanage in Russia, seen the children there, dying a bit inside because I couldn't take them all home, I celebrate every time I hear about one of the kids from Astrakhan getting adopted and coming home to America.

But, as poor as that orphanage was, I'm sure it was nothing compared to the orphanages in Malawi. Madonna has taken little David out of there, and given him a chance for a life. And that is something to celebrate.

But Randy, aren't you worried about the kind of life and care he's going to receive, living with Madonna? Are you kidding? In Malawi, his mother died after his birth. He had two siblings who died of malaria. His father took him to an orphanage, because he couldn't care for him. What kind of life did he have in front of him? If Madonna sticks him with a nanny, in a mansion in London, and never ever visits him again, it's a better life than he was going to have.

Bur Randy, isn't Madonna just doing this for publicity? Why do we have to assign everything a person does evil intent. Maybe, just maybe, we can give this woman a slight amount of credit that she fell in love with this child, and wanted to help him. I know how that feels, because while I was in the process of adopting Charlie, I saw a little girl in his room in the orphanage. She was cute, smiled at me, and we played a little game of peek a boo while the orphanage workers were waking Charlie. If I could have, I would have taken her home with Charlie. Thankfully, she also has been adopted and come home with a new mommy.

And, according to Hello!, Madonna had made two trips to Malawi concerning the adoption before the news ever broke. So maybe, just maybe, this media obsessed woman wasn't trying to do something for her career. Maybe she just wants to help a child.

But Randy, why should she get preferential treatment? Do you think she bribed someone? Shouldn't she have to wait 18 months? Yeah, let's do that. Let's make David sit in an orphanage for another 18 months before he can have the possibility for a life. That will do him so much good. Build character. Heck, the chances of a third child in that family contracting malaria and dying couldn't be that big. And I'm sure that Madonna will move to Malawi for 18 months. No problem. No chance that if they impose that requirement, she will back out. And bribery? Face it, people. The entire adoption process is about bribery. It's a dirty little secret. It's something I knew when we went to Russia. It's something that was driven home during a certain part of our trip. Madonna's contributions to that country absolutely influenced the government to speed up the process.

But, the thing you have to ask is "What is best for this child?" If this is what it takes for a person of Madonna's wealth to get this child (and apparently, the possibility of another little girl is in the works) into a safe, loving and healthy home, so be it. It may not be fair, but it is best for David. And that's what matters.

I love Donny Osmond dancing in the background!

On Thursday night, I wanted to look for some audio files on my 2nd hard drive. Windows suddenly wouldn't recognize the drive, saying it was not formatted. It had lost it's setup, and was now a RAW drive, meaning nothing would read off of it. CRAP! That drive has all my videos, music and most importantly, Charlie's photos on it.

After some research, I found a program called Getdataback. It promised to scan the drive, and show me what it could recover. Then, I could pay for it, and recover the data. So, I downloaded it, and started it scanning. 14 hours later (yes, 14), it showed me that almost 100% of my drive could be recovered. So, I paid my $79, and started recovering.

First, Charlie's photos. They were all there. Then, my videos. All there. Now, I'm out of room on my C: drive, but I still can recover everything else once I set up another drive.

Talk about some major stress. But, all is well! Got it all burned to a DVD now, for backup.

Last night, I realized something that kind of startled me. As much as I have loved my son since he came home last year, I continue to love him more every day. I didn't think it was possible. But, as his little personality has started developing, as he's bonding closer to us each day, and as I interact with him more and more, I truly feel my love growing.

He has the unique ability to make me laugh, make me cry, make me melt all over the floor. His laughter is the sweetest sound in the world, and I'll do anything to hear it. And, when he's so tickled with something that his little shoulder shake, it's the cutest thing to see.

And, as we continue to grow, and get to know each other, it's amazing to see our bond get tighter. Recently, I asked him, "Where's Mommy?" and he smiled and pointed at mommy. She then asked, "Where's Daddy?", and he pointed at me, and smacked me on the arm. It was the first time we really saw him identifying us by a name.

Then, on Monday, while I was driving to pick him up from Grandmama's house, I was listening to the demo track of the music from "Silence of the Lambs - The Musical", as I'm working on another musical for church. These were demo tracks I made for the performers so they could learn the songs, so I'm singing on it. When I got Charlie in the car, and started it up, the music began playing again. After a few seconds, Charlie pointed in the air and said, "Dada!". It delighted me to no end that he recognized my voice coming through the car stereo (he's heard me sing to him each night I put him to bed, so I guess it's to be expected). Then, when the song was over, he clapped.

Seeing Charlie grow, mature and change is so much fun. I highly recommend everyone have kids as soon as possible. Or, even better, go over to Russia and save another child over there. There are so many beautiful children that need homes and futures. It's worth every minute of prep it takes.

We're starting a new capital campaign at my church to build a new worship facility. We've seriously outgrown our 400 seat auditorium, meaning that our pastor is doing 6 services a weekend.

For the campaign, I was asked to write a sketch for the big kick off dinner, where some 1500 church members will attend to celebrate our committments to build the new worship area. So, I'm thinking of writing a broadway type musical sketch, about 15 minutes long. I've done a musical before in Monkeys with Handgrenades (Silence of the Lambs - The Musical). I'm a bit nervous, because I've only got a month to write it.

Then, on Sunday, our pastor talked about the kick off dinner, and made a point to mention, "We'll even be having a comedy sketch that night". Oh, great. Announce it to the whole world. Then I see the video they produced for the campagin, and he mentions it in the video, which will be going out to all members of the church. I felt like Matt and Danny on Studio 60 during the press conference (for those of you who are Studio 60 fans).

Tonight, I met with 3 other people to start planning the musical. Normally, I only like writing with a few people (Pete, Nick, Linda), and don't like writing with non-improv people. They just don't understand funny, and I hate having to dismiss an idea they think is funny, but isn't. But, I was truly amazed how the group really clicked, and we thought up a great basic premise for the musical. There were several times where we were all thinking the exact same thing at the same minute.

So, maybe this thing will work. I may have to beg for some help from my MWHG writing friends, but I'm hopeful it will get done. And then, after this is finished, it's back to working on Exorcist-The Musical with Pete.

Now, I know that Pixar had some killer office space, with the giant football field length center court, and the artist workplaces, the lava lounge, etc. But, this is pretty darned cool, too. Check out the web page to see just how cool this place is, with their ping pong table meeting rooms, floating staircases, to their outside seating area. This would be a great place to work.

Ok, not that bad. But, there was some major irritation involved. I bought a new lawn mower. My old Montgomery Ward one has given up the ghost. So, I bought a nice one at Sears, and got a good deal. I picked it up, and noticed that one of the sides of the box had been opened. I asked the guy why it was open, and he said that the boxes aren't stapled well, and that they tape them to keep them closed. Uhh, ok, I'll buy that. We unpacked the mower, so that it would fit in my car, and I checked, and it seemed all the parts were there. So, home I went.

Jump forward 3 days. I'm finally ready to give this new bad boy a few laps around the track. I start doing the "simple setup" and notice that I have to install the spring loaded door over the side discharge hole. Weird. And then, I notice. There are no nuts for the bolts that hold the door in place. Even more so, there is absolutely nothing in the instructions about having to install this door. All pictures show it already in place. So, my original fear is confirmed. Someone had opened the box, uninstalled the door, and taken the nuts. So, it's off to Sears.

I bought the mower on-line (to get my Upromise dollars), and picked it up at Antioch, as they were the only store to have it in stock. But, the 64th street store is closer to my house, so I drove there. After a minute, I found a pleasant young man in the mower department, and told him the problem. He said he would get his manager to help me. After about 5 minutes, he comes back with two plain nuts from a package off the shelf, saying that's what his manager said to do. I told him there is no way that will work, as they will vibrate loose. I asked to see the manager.

We find the manager, and he asks what the problem is. I tell him that it's obvious someone had opened my box, disassembled the door, and taken the nuts, and that normal nuts won't work. He says "What do you need, some kind of lock washer?" I tell him that what I need is the original parts that came with the mower. He then tells me that I can order the parts from the 1-800 number. Now, I'm getting annoyed. I tell him that I would like to mow my yard sometime in the next week or two, so that isn't an option. Then, he says, "Well, your complaint is with the Antioch Store, not this one". Ok, retail boy, that does it. "My complaint is with Sears, which it says on your nametag you work for. I didn't buy some clearance, used item. I bought new in box, and that's not what I got." So, finally, he starts tucking his tail between his legs, and takes me over to the mowers, removes the nuts off a similar mower, and gives them to me.

Why did I have to get pissy with this guy? He should have done the right thing up front. What's up with retail lately?

Not the service. Actually, I get good coverage when I travel.

But their billing sucks. Since I re-signed with them in June, there has not been one month that my bill was correct. I've had to call them every month and explain why they are wrong. Today, I spent 1 1/2 hours on the line to convince them that my bill was wrong. They argued with me and swore I was wrong, saying that when I play a game on my phone (which I have only 1), I'm charged data rates. When I finally asked them to get hold of technical support to ask them, they did several experiments, and low and behold, I was right. No data charge. So they credited my account for the mistaken charge. But, no "Sorry, we screwed up" credit, no "Our Bad" adjustment. Just the credit they owed me. And they acted like I should be greatful for that.

If it was my first time with a screwed up bill, ok. But, this is the 4th time I've called with mistakes on my bill. And today took 1 1/2 hours. Seriously. It said so on my phone. 1 1/2 hours. The least they could do is give me $10.00, or a free game, or something. But no, nada.

If we did business like that, we'd be out of business. Heck, even Payless gave us something.